I really promised myself I wasn't going to blog about my loss anymore, but as my would have been due date is fast approaching it is getting harder to not think about it. Today I was doing fine until I ran into a coworker who I know shared my due date. I work for a huge company and so I rarely see her, but today I saw her 3 freaking times. She is very pregnant. Seeing her belly and glow of anticipation is hard. I wish the best for her. She is young and beautiful and I know her little girl will be adorable. The last time I saw her today I was in a department she never is in and of course she walks in and all the women start gushing over her and she is telling them all about her nursery and how she is so ready etc... I had to leave. Like bolt out of there. I literally felt the air being sucked out of me. I felt my heart stop. I was afraid I would literally die from the feeling. Totally ruined my day.
While I knew that my due date would always be difficult and I know the day will never pass that I don't think about the Little One that we lost, I didn't expect what I felt today. I thought that the blow would be lessened by my FET that would have happened this month if my cycle hadn't been cancelled. I thought that even all the prep for the next cycle might lessen the blow. I was under the naive assumption that I could get through it without falling apart. I am praying I still can. I am not so sure I can.
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