April is Almost Here!

Woohoo April is almost here!!!! Lot's of good stuff going on!  I have actually always loved April!  The weather is always great,  Spring colors are in style, Easter, Baseball, birthday parties, the start of grilling season and of course my little snowflakes will hopefully be made in April!!

Oklahoma ( my donor)  is on her lupron and we wait for her to start stimms and that is when things will REALLY start getting crazy!  We have a tentative retrieval date of 4/16!  That is just a couple of weeks away!

This weekend the husband and I had a very nice relaxing yet very productive weekend! We ran some errands and had to go to Buy Buy Baby to get a shower present for a friend.  We were both very excited to go in and look at all the baby gear!  The husband I think was even more excited than I was!  We walked around and just looked and talked about all the items we would want to register for.  It got us very excited about our future!  We looked at cribs and found a couple of different ones we liked.  We then went home and sort of mentally planned out the nursery based on what we saw and liked.

I didn't buy a thing.  Still too scared to, but wow do I love looking right now!

Spring Fever equals Baby Fever

It is getting harder and harder not to look at baby stuff when I go to stores.  I want to touch baby clothes.  I want to ask mom's with tandem strollers questions.  I had 30 minutes to spare yesterday and I wanted to go into Buy Buy Baby so bad and just look around.  I have an upcoming baby shower to attend so I could have gone in there under those pretenses but I stayed strong.  I haven't had this much baby fever since right after my honeymoon. 

I should be getting an update from my nurse today.... I can't stop checking my email and I won't let my phone out of my sight!

We are rolling!

Haven't written in a little while.  Been super busy with work and the husband and I took a little weekend getaway to the mountains.  It was so relaxing!  We just explored and enjoyed each other! We of course discussed our kid/s all the time.  Just dreaming mostly!

Cycle Update:
Oklahoma as started her cycle and she should get her meds today. She has a check up on Thursday and then will start lupron!  The estimated retrieval is April 16th!! it was weird paying for someone elses meds.  Although they were much cheaper!!  I was always on max stimms and had crazy expensive pharmacy bills!

So in the meantime while I wait till the transfer ( mid-may)  I am working on my diet and planning a ton in my mind.  I started weening down on my caffeine this week and hope to be caffeine free by the transfer.  Then just trying to lose some weigh and eat as healthy as I can.

I am also spending time on pinterest looking at nursery ideas etc...

I haven't bought anything.  Too scared.  I did buy a pair of little shoes almost 2 years ago when I thought I was pregnant.  My plan was to serve them to the Husband on a plate instead of breakfast in bed.  Well that didn't happen.  I stuffed the little shoes in the bottom of my underwear drawer.  I occasionally see them and just stuff them away again.  I promised myself I would never buy baby stuff again until I had a pregnancy confirmation. Even when I was actually pregnant I didn't buy anything and was too scared until I saw a heartbeat.  Since we didn't see the heartbeat and shortly miscarried I never bought a thing.    I am feeling so optimistic about this cycle though I am getting really tempted to at least buy some maternity clothes on sale.  I haven't caved. Yet.  I did buy a couple of dresses last week from old navy.  They are dresses that have plenty of room for some growth :) But not maternity!

Dreams

I dream most every night and most of the time my dreams are pretty standard ... you know random stuff.  Well as I am getting closer to our cycle starting and thinking about my FET my dreams have gotten really weird.  Last night I was on Pinterest looking at baby gear and so last night I dreamed about being hooked up to a breast pump. Ok that makes sense I had just read about it before I went to bed.  However a few nights ago I dreamed that after the FET I found out that instead of transferring my embryo's they actually put Gollum from Lord of the Rings in me. I didn't watch the movie or talk about it so it was really out of the blue.  I went on in that dream to give birth to him.  Yeah.  That was weird.  I told my husband and now he just likes to torment me by looking at me and saying " My precious" in Gollum's creepy voice.  I'm going to start writing my dreams down.  I can't wait till I am actually pregnant because my friends tell me they you get some crazy vivid dreams!

Here is my "baby" I had the other night.....

Feels like Spring

I have been complaining about the weather for so long that today I have to post about how beautiful it is outside! Sunny and 68 degrees!  I will take it!  It made me almost have a bounce in my step today! A cold front is coming in for a couple of days but I think Spring is finally here!  Which means our cycle is almost here!  I got my period today so I know Oklahoma will get hers next week!  Please please please NO MORE DELAYS!

Nothing else really going on other than boring things to do list.  I have to get on our taxes ASAP!  UGH.  We are hiring a new CPA this year and I just need to put together our OOP medical expenses and get all the paperwork to him, but I keep procrastinating.  We are probably going to owe so there is no reason to file early to get a refund. We maxed our our flex spending last year and still have a ton of medical deductions but with the husband in a higher tax bracket I really doubt we will NOT owe.

A Good Bath

( Disclaimer: That isn't me or my bath tub)

So in order to foster relaxation and create more intimacy the husband and I have started taking baths. Together.  It's nice.  Although we have totally different temperature preferences it is really relaxing.  I like scalding hot bath that makes you all pink and toasty.  He like a cooler bath. ( To me it is COLD) He wins for now since we need to keep his swimmers nice and cool for now.  We have a HUGE tub that easily fits us both although there are the awkward getting in and out moments.  We put in some scented oils and some bubbles and get the jet's going.  Ahhh so nice.  We even added some candles and soft music and we just hang out in there for about an hour and rest and talk.  I have always loved a bath.  In my single days I use to frequently take a long hot bath and bring a good book. For some reason when I got married I just stopped doing it.  Now the baths are almost addicting!  I even secretly want to get in with a good book by myself but I think the husband actually loves them even more than me so he would probably get upset if I did it alone.  Last night he wanted to bring some strawberries in there!  I convinced him it would be too soggy and messy. Ha!

Trying to enjoy these times with him.  I know they will be few and far between when we have kids.

Wait Mode

It's Friday!!  I can't wait to do almost absolutely NOTHING this weekend!  I have a list of movies for the husband and I to watch and I am going to the store after work to grab  healthy snacks etc!  Trying to really concentrate on eating healthy.  Not just for weight loss ( although that is a goal) but nourishing my body and preparing it for (hopefully) pregnancy.  I need to start walking but I detest treadmills and it is still flippin cold outside.  I think in the next couple of weeks that walks can begin!

Project Baby is in wait mode.  We do have to sign and notarize our legal paperwork and get that in the mail. Then it is just more waiting for our cycle to begin! 

The Winter that wouldn't end

I am tired of complaining about winter.... so over it!

So spent the weekend snowed in for the most part.  Luckily the husband and I really didn't have many plans so we just chilled, watched movies, and I played an obscene amount of Candy Crush. 
We talked a lot about the future.  We are too scared to actually believe we will actually ever have a real baby so every conversation is always tentative.  I know by reading plenty of blogs and community boards that it is completely normal to feel this way until I have a real life baby at home in my arms.  If this cycle works I will move on to fear and worry about loss etc.  

I asked my husband the other day if he thought I needed therapy.  It was a serious question.  His response "probably".  All I could do is laugh.  Because after all that we have been through it was actually a stupid question to ask.  I know I should.  I don't know what is stopping me.  This blog is the only real outlet I have.  I guess I should at least look into therapy.

I have calmed down about our delay. After all what choice do I really have?  It really helped that we got to go in and have a talk with Nurse T on Friday.  The husband had to get some blood work done and we had a chance to sit down and express our fears and concerns.  She was super great and assuring.  She has full confidence in Oklahoma. I also finally got a response back from the agency coordinator.  She basically blamed it all on Nurse T and  gave a pretty pathetic apology.  My respect for her has declined greatly but like the husband says " hopefully we don't ever have to see or talk to any of these people again". 

So now we wait a couple of weeks to get started!