Christmas Time is Here... but No Baby this Year

 I love Christmas but this year... it is a bit sad and I am so tired.

My IUI was a bust.  4 eggs and nothing. I held it together pretty well for a while then had a total meltdown.  My DH even broke down and we held each other and sobbed.  It was horrible and beautiful all at the same time.  So sad but at the same time so blessed to have such an amazing man.

I met with Dr. B and we have decided it is time to go to IVF.  So conflicting.  Noone wants to go to IVF but we are actually happy that we get the chance since I wasn't even a candidate a few months ago.  We are scared.  it is so expensive.  It might not work.  So many scenarios.  I wake up at night and just go through it all in my head.

So the IVF plan:

12/24 hysteroscopy ( just what every girl wants for Christmas).  This will let Dr. B look into my uterus and make sure everything is as it should be.

1/6 Mock Trial.  Literally they pretend to put an embryo in you.  So weird.

1/15 ish I start Menopur.  heavy doses... shots morning and night later Ganirelix will be added to make sure I don't ovulate.

It will take a week or two to grow as many eggs as possible, then I will go in for my egg retrieval (so scared).  They will do ICSI (sperm injection into my eggs in the lab) then grow my embies for 5 days. They will be scanned to make sure they have all their chromosomes and the freeze them.

I will heal then get ready for a FET  where they will thaw and then transfer hopefully 2 healthy embryos  into my uterus. Yep 2! We want twins if possible.

Then we wait and pray. Oh and pay about 25k out of our savings.  Ouch.