Made the Call!

Today is my amazing husbands birthday.  The love I have for this man is so monumental that no words could describe it.   I never believed in soul mates until I met him. He makes every day better...even when they totally suck.  He is my rock and on this journey he is my partner in every way.  I am so blessed.

I called and made my RE appointment today. The plan is to have a sit down with Dr. B to discuss what has happened thus far such as previous cycles, the loss, and the additional testing I have had done. Dr. B is then suppose to give me a new protocol for a medicated IUI cycle.  This may be my last shot at IUI. 

I don't know why I am so scared to see Dr. B. He is a bit intimidating, but we actually get a long pretty well.  I guess it is the association I have with him with bad news or disappointment or failure.  I mean the last few times I have been devastated and crying either due to a failed cycle or the miscarriage.  Dh and I are pretty much resigned that we are most likely going to need every resource and ART treatment known to man to get our take home baby.  We have no basis for this medically. It is just what is in our gut. So we are preparing for a long hard battle.

 I am ready physically... but not sure if I am ready emotionally.  Can you ever be prepared emotionally for the battles that come with infertility and miscarriage? In fact, I think I am more scared because of my loss because I now know what that loss feels like and I wonder if I can handle another one. The thought of that almost paralyzes me.  I get a lump in my throat and have to hold back tears when I think about it.  But I don't have a choice but to fight on and trust that God has a plan for us.

On the Move!

We finally found our house! After much prayer and talk we decided we needed to press forward and buy a house.  We have enough cash to still pay for an IVF package and we have a budget in place to keep saving even with the new house.  If we get desperate we will use a credit card or take out a loan... or beg.

The house is beautiful and I am so in love with it.  I went into the house buying process with one thing in mind.  Family.  I wanted the house that was going to house my family.  The house we got is in an amazing school district and a wonderful family focused neighborhood.  The house itself has the perfect floor plan and although spacious very cozy at the same time.  I walked in and instantly knew!

The house has 4 bedrooms.  So plenty of room for house guests and hopefully soon a nursery.  I have two bedrooms there that would make perfect nurseries.  Already painted in fact-One pink and one blue.  Now I would never furnish either room until we got a bun in the oven, but I am praying one day these rooms will both be put to use.

We close in a couple of weeks and then will install some new floors and be in before Thanksgiving! 

The Baby project is about to go in full force again.  I meet with my RE in just a couple of weeks to kick it off.  My weight loss is doing great.  I thank Metformin which is making this process easier.  I am still on the progesterone supps ( we call them the "bitch pills") and they really suck, but on the off chance I conceive naturally again we want as much help as possible to help a LO stick.

Just Google it!

I have always been prepared and planned.  My family knows this yet they always seem so shocked when they find out that I am planning and preparing for my next IUI.  I try and not let their somewhat ignorant questions rattle me, but somedays I just want to scream at them.   I mean people if you don't know what an IUI is google it!  The really don't understand basic fertility terminology or treatments.  I don't mind educating them but sometimes it seems they don't want to learn they just want to make dumb comments.  God bless them.

 My least favorite thing they ask is " Are you sure you need that -that seems extreme?."  My mother said this to me the other day and I just looked at her and asked " So do you think 18 months and still no baby is normal?" Good Heavens if we go forward with IVF I might need flashcards and a powerpoint presentation to clue them all in.  Maybe I need a note from my doctor to justify my procedures...

Dear To Whom it May Concern.... Yes K is infertile and IVF is her best  and probably only choice.  Please refrain from your judgements and dumb questions.  Sincerely Dr. B.


 I love my family and friends and I am glad they know our situation their love and support is invaluable but sometimes I gotta admit...  I wish they didn't know.


We are moving forward with our last IUI then IVF no matter what anyone else thinks about it. I will do another natural cycle then call Dr. B's office for my consultation and new protocol so that we can hopefully do our IUI right after Thanksgiving.  I have a little more weight to lose but I am getting anxious to get the ball moving again.  Sure I am still hoping for another natural BFP, but not too hopeful.