Manic Monday

It's Monday.  Still no word on my embies but we shouldn't hear anything until later in the week.  Dr. B has cleared us to transfer 2.  Yes that means that twins are a real possibility.  We shall see. More on that at a later time.

I have my appointment with my endocronologist who manages my hashimotos and thyroid tomorrow.  Last week I was feeling very symptomatic.  Skin issues, bathroom issues, sleep issues, leg cramps etc... I am sure it was stress induced. Hopefully my levels aren't too wacky so that we can do the transfer in a few weeks.

I ordered my progesterone today.  Still need to get my estrace from my regular pharmacy.... it is getting real!!

Only about 3 weeks!

Lucky 7

This week waiting has been hell. I was not prepared for how stressful it was going to be to wait to see how many of my embryos were going to make it to day 5 for freezing and pgd testing.  My clinic is very picky about the embryos that make it to blast.  Quality.  That is what they have preaching to me. But how could I not get wrapped up in the numbers of it.  My embryologist told me last week they expect 80% of all embryos to arrest before day 5.  We had awesome day 1 fert report.  25 retrieved, 24 mature, 21 fertilized.  But of those 21 we knew we were going to lose a lot. If we were with statistics we should have lost 16 and been left with 5.  While that should be plenty that is still scary for someone who has had losses.  But we ended up on the higher end of statistics and got 7 beautiful high quality embryos.   I can't complain about that!

Now my 7 embies wait.  They were biopsied and sent to a lab to be PGD tested.  To make sure all the chromosomes are the right number.  We do not want to transfer an embryo that will end in miscarriage. Even though my embies are high quality blast by looking at them... only pgd will tell us if they are normal.  So we have to wait a week to find out.  It is all out of our hands.

I am not into lucky numbers but I do have favorite numbers.  I do know that 7 plays a significant  role biblically and is considered the "perfect" number and the "luckiest" number.  I hope it turns out to be for me.

Eggs!!!

This has been a really stressful week... but  I think it is going to end very well!
 I got 25 eggs for Easter!  We had an idea a few days ago while Oklahoma was going to appointments and getting scanned that it looked promising that we might get quite a bit.  In comparison with my own egg IVF we were praying for 4-6 eggs!  ( we got none) So to go from that to holy crap we have 25 eggs to use!  WOW- mind blown.


We still have a long way to go before thre is a happily ever after.  I know that we have 0 control in this process.  This was a HUGE step forward but we still have more steps and very important steps to take before I get my baby.

The next HUGE step is:

 Fertilization Report.  I will get a call in the morning telling me how many of the eggs fertilized and how they are developing. We will most likely lose some eggs in this process.  That is normal.  We just don't want to lose too many. Then I will get an update every day for 5 days as they grow and divide and hopefully by day 5 we have lots of blastocysts to send to PGD testing.  It is going to be a long week ahead anxiously awaiting to hear how my little embies are doing.

Good Day

Today was a good day. 

We found out we are getting a decent tax refund.
We have some purchases we have been putting on hold.  This money allows us to move forward with those. 

We found out that Oklahoma has about 25 follies growing for us.
 I told the husband anything over 20 was really good .... now anything can happen but 25 would be fan-freakin-tastic! We are on schedule for retrieval one week from today!  

Killing Frump Girl

So I am Frump Girl.... as my post last week discussed.  I became frumpy over the two years of newlywedness, TTC, Infertility etc.  I need Frump Girl to go away.  The husband upon further inspection has become "Frump Guy".  The other day when we were out and about I noticed he was wearing a shirt with the collar completely worn.  Like homeless worn.  He hasn't bought any new clothes since we bought him a few things last summer.  We need to kill frump girl and frump guy.  I am starting the process of going through our clothes ( he doesn't know this yet) and purge anything that has a hole in it, is too worn or doesn't fit.  That will leave me with about 10 things to wear and him with about 5. 

I have done better at dressing for work this week.  My hair is disaster but I have an appointment in less than two weeks.  I need a hair make over.  I will also be getting a mani/pedi that week as I have a wedding to go to.  So it will be more like a slow death but nevertheless frump girl is on her way out.

Countdown!

So this weekend as I wrote on Friday wasn't what I really wanted to do. ( Hang out with my Mother-in Law while my husband was at my brother-in laws all day long bacholer party.) The weekend came and went and I did hang out with her and it wasn't horrible. We didn't  do much as I couldn't really get her to leave the house. She wanted to stay in and watch movies.  I was ok with that.  Oh she annoyed me for sure at times.  She doesn't try to be annoying- we are just so so very different.  She is very nice so I can't complain really.   She however she can be passive aggressive and very stubborn. She also doesn't seem to listen or isn't that bright.  I can't tell which.  My sister in law ( her daughter) can't stand being around her mother.  I get it.  I think she should be more respectful to her mother, but I do get it. 

I was so glad to see them all leave.  I was tired and just wanted to be with the husband. It is weird I miss him when we have people over and we don't get our alone time. After they left we took a long nap together.  It was glorious. 

I got the call from Nurse T this morning!  Oklahoma started her meds last night! She will have a monitoring appointment on Wednesday!  We are on schedule for a retrieval next week! 

I will have embryos NEXT WEEK!!!!!!

Friday!

So glad it is Friday even if I don't get to do what I want this weekend.  What do I want to do?  Lay in bed and binge watch Netflix.  Instead I will be babysitting my in laws why the husband works. Seriously irritates me but I don't have a choice. I like my in laws but they can annoy me for sure and hanging out with them by myself is just ....awkward.

Ok so today I made more of an effort in the clothes department.   We get to dress down for work on Fridays so I wore some nice jeans (new) with some cute tennis shoes, a gray t-shirt and a black cardigan over it. It was cold today. Now points deducted for the t-shirt because it is semi frumpy and I was lazy and did a ponytail.  Points added that  I spent extra time on my makeup.  It is a process.

No news on Oklahoma- She is suppose to get her period this weekend then start stimms. I will be emailing my nurse on Monday morning for an update! 

Frumpy

So I have realized that I have turned into a total frump.  My frumpiness has just evolved over the past two years and I was trying to think back as to what is the cause and really there are so many reasons this has happened. I am trying to figure out who/what to blame.

 So here is my blame list:

1.  I got married.  I got the guy so I don't need to impress men anymore. I don't need flirty dresses, short skirts or cute tops that show off my boobs. My husband can't keep his hands off me no matter what I wear so I might as well be comfortable.

2.  I got married.  I have to explain my purchases now. The husband doesn't hound me about my
purchases but I am more hesitant to spend money when he may ask me about it.

3. I got married. My husband is not frugal on anything but his own clothes.  Seriously the man wears clothes that are falling apart at times.  He doesn't have to dress up for work which is fine but seriously he is SO CHEAP when it comes to buying clothes for himself.  I think this has rubbed off on me in a negative way. We are now the "frumpy couple" I am afraid.

4. I got married.  I spend almost all my free time with my husband. I hardly do anything with my friends other than the occasional lunch date or birthday dinner.  They say girls dress to impress their girlfriends and well since I am now lacking in that department I have no one to go shopping with or talk about fashion with etc.. 

5. I got married and started TTC.  I have spent the past two years so obsessed with getting pregnant I haven't had the mental energy to work on my "style".  I have to track my CM and order my ovualtion strips which takes precedence on looking at fashion magazines or shopping.

6.  TTC. Feeling totally betrayed by my bodies inability to get and stay pregnant has giving me pretty low self esteem.  I am not happy with my body on so many levels.  Not just physically but biologically. 

7. TTC.  I refuse to buy new clothes because I want desperately to buy maternity clothes. So I hold out and don't buy anything.  After 2 years my closest has seen better days.

8. TTC  Between the immune issues, hormone injections, pregnancy loss, mild depression etc... I have put on weight.  I have lost weight then gained ... up and down etc...   My body is tired.  Most of my clothes don't fit.  Most are too small and some are too big.   Most days I wear what is clean and fits that day. 

So those are the reasons.... split pretty 50/50 on the blame.  But getting married and infertility has not been kind to my fashion sense at all.  I gotta do something about it!

I am gluton for punishment

I think I have posted before about my need compulsion to "research" everything.  Normally it isn't a big deal although it annoys my husband when in a middle of a conversation I will start googling something we are talking about.  For instance... Cindy Lauper was on TV and we were guessing at her age.  I couldn't NOT know the answer RIGHT then so I googled it.  No big deal. Maybe a little crazy but nothing serious. I do it a lot though. I need information.  I thrive on it.  It is a major problem though when I start freaking myself out by googling and ready for over an hour about all the things that can go wrong in a pregnancy.  I even read some horribly painful blogs on infant loss.  WHAT THE CRAP AM I DOING?!  HOW IS THIS HELPFUL?!  I am not even pregnant yet and all I can do is "research" all the bad things that can happen. 

Hey I know that I am going to have a very difficult time emotionally when I do get pregnant.  After years of infertility and loss how could I not.  I have to get my crap together though and stop it with the information hoarding and overload.

Sigh.