Beta Day

Today I went in for my first Beta ( pregnancy blood test).  Now I sit and wait by the phone to get the call that will tell me if this IUI cycle was successful. I could have tested with a urine test today and gotten a pretty good indicator, but I couldn't.  I am tired on peeing on strips of paper that never get that beautiful second line.  Having a nurse call me and tell me it was a bust isn't  good either.  This cycle only has a 20-25% chance of working. I have had a ton of symptoms the past few days that I am trying not to think about.  I am on progesterone pills so I am blaming them for every cramp, sore boobs, lack of period, nausea etc... Getting pregnant on my first IUI cycle and the week before Christmas just seems to good to be true.

My amazing husband has been so supportive.  He keeps me grounded and loves me so much.  I am so very blessed.  I know he is just as anxious to find out as I am.  I wish I could give him the best Christmas ever, but it is out of my control. God has a plan, his timing is perfect. 

Fear

I am trying to be positive. But negative thoughts keep winning out.  My hope meter is at about 3%.  I have this fear... fear this cycle didn't work.  Fear I will never get pregnant. It is way too early to take a pregnancy test.  Suppose to go in Monday for a blood test.  I am torn whether to test early or not.

I must keep reminding myself.... God is in control.

IUI#1

I am being inseminated tomorrow morning.... never thought I would be typing that.  Never thought I would be giving myself injections in my bathroom either.  But that is what I am doing and here is where I am.  This journey is something I never fathomed, but for some reason God has led me down this path.  There are times I am hopeful and fine, there are other times where honestly I don't know if I can do this. So I have to choose to be grateful and thankful.

I am so thankful for my sweet adoring husband. He is an answer to my prayers.

I am so thankful for my wonderful supportive family.

I am so grateful for my best friends who are encouraging me.

I am so thankful for the resources I have been provided.  Financially I am blessed to be able to afford the doctors, medicines, etc. 

I am thankful for my doctors and nurses.  I know I am just another patient for them, but I pray for them and pray that God directs them to make wise decisions in regards to my care.

I am thankful for a God who never leaves me.  Who holds my life in His hands and knows the deepest desires of my heart.


No matter the outcome of this cycle. I know there is a plan for me.  I know this journey has a purpose.  I will trust God.