Christmas Time is Here... but No Baby this Year

 I love Christmas but this year... it is a bit sad and I am so tired.

My IUI was a bust.  4 eggs and nothing. I held it together pretty well for a while then had a total meltdown.  My DH even broke down and we held each other and sobbed.  It was horrible and beautiful all at the same time.  So sad but at the same time so blessed to have such an amazing man.

I met with Dr. B and we have decided it is time to go to IVF.  So conflicting.  Noone wants to go to IVF but we are actually happy that we get the chance since I wasn't even a candidate a few months ago.  We are scared.  it is so expensive.  It might not work.  So many scenarios.  I wake up at night and just go through it all in my head.

So the IVF plan:

12/24 hysteroscopy ( just what every girl wants for Christmas).  This will let Dr. B look into my uterus and make sure everything is as it should be.

1/6 Mock Trial.  Literally they pretend to put an embryo in you.  So weird.

1/15 ish I start Menopur.  heavy doses... shots morning and night later Ganirelix will be added to make sure I don't ovulate.

It will take a week or two to grow as many eggs as possible, then I will go in for my egg retrieval (so scared).  They will do ICSI (sperm injection into my eggs in the lab) then grow my embies for 5 days. They will be scanned to make sure they have all their chromosomes and the freeze them.

I will heal then get ready for a FET  where they will thaw and then transfer hopefully 2 healthy embryos  into my uterus. Yep 2! We want twins if possible.

Then we wait and pray. Oh and pay about 25k out of our savings.  Ouch.

Tis the Season to be busy!

I am a bad blogger.  It has been almost a freakin month since I last posted.  It has been freakin busy and so much has happened.  We moved into our new house and have been settling in.  It is so beautiful.  I can't believe I am so blessed to live in this dream home.  We have been iced in for a few days so we have had plenty of time to get things unpacked and decorated. Even put up the Christmas tree! 

Oh and I have been busy growing follicles!  We went forward with an IUI cycle.  Dr. B got his way and I must say I think it was for the best.  Just doing an IUI cycle with everything going on has been super tough.   My baseline sono was the BEST ONE YET!  I had more Antral follicles than I have ever had!! I actually cried on the sono table.  I started Menopur and 7 ...SEVEN follies started to grow right away.  I did injects every night and then they checked again and they were getting a little too big too fast but they cut down my meds and  they slowed down a bit.  At my IUI we had 4 mature follicles!  4!!  Although I joke with J about our quads the chance of all 4 fertilizing is like 0 percent.  Dr. B was crazy happy that I responded so well and I was beyond relieved!  And I actually have some hope.   I made Dr. B tell me the chances of this working and he said 20-25%.  Not huge percentage but we will take it! It is all in God's hands now. 

I am 8dpiui so way to early to test. I am having all kinds of "symptoms". 
-sore boobs
-cramps
-stuffy nose
-bleeding gums ( yep this is actually a symptom I had with my first pregnancy...weird.. but I could have just brushed too hard)
-gas
- insomnia! ( this one is new)
-fatigue ( well I have had insomnia  so that isn't so weird)
-emotional.  (I cried at the end of a stupid movie and for no reason at all at work.)
-dizzyness ( this morning)
- nausea ( last night before bed... vitamins?)

Now all these symptoms mean NOTHING.  I put NO stock into symptoms. I am on progesterone supps and they do mimic pregnancy symptoms.  But the hopeful part in me is like..... maybe?

Now I just have to decided when to test... my blood test id Monday.  I have family in town all weekend so I am not sure yet. Sunday at the earliest I am thinking...def Monday morning before the beta.