Dealing with the Nosy

Everyone deals with it at some time or another. Nosy questions and comments made by family, friends, acquaintances and even strangers that hurt, irk or royally piss you off.  I guess it is just a part of the human experience I suppose.

When you are not dating someone  you get the "Are you seeing anyone special?" 

When you are dating someone you get " Is this the one?" "Do I hear wedding bells anytime soon?"

When you finally get engaged you hear observations about marriage and the questions about having a baby start to pop up. 

The red hot minute you tie the knot you get flooded with the the baby questions. "So how when can we plan the baby shower?"  "Will you be having kids right away?"  Sigh.

Let me admit that I have been GUILTY of asking some of those kinds of questions to poor unassuming people in the past.  I wish I could go back and kick my own ass for being nosy.  I never intentionally meant to make anyone uncomfortable or pry or hurt.  I guess I plead ignorance.  I recently apologized to a dear friend whom I use to ask her on occasion if she was going to have another baby.  While she did end up having another baby with no problem the point is IT WAS NONE OF MY BUSINESS!  She was cool about it, but I felt horrible.

So since I was such an idiot in the past I have to give a free pass to the people who do the same to me now.  When I say free pass I mean I try to give them the benefit of the doubt that they aren't trying to be hurtful. It is not their intention to be hurtful.  I generally let it go.  Sure it hurts but I chalk it up mostly to nosy ignorance.  That being said I do feel a sense of responsibility to their other victims out there.  I give one free pass, then a polite but firm it is none of your business response. It is hard.

The longer I am in this journey my patience with this sort of bulls*it has lessened. It is seriously only by the grace of God and my fear of a women's prison ( thank you Orange is the New Black) that has kept me from punching a few folks.  the folks who have used up the free pass... many times.

Case in Point:  One of these lovely individuals is a coworker who I will call Doreen.  Doreen works in another department  but I have  contact with her on a weekly basis.  I always thought she was ok, a little gossipy but I can shoot the breeze with her.  Problem: Doreeen loves to bring up babies and specifically when I will be having a baby.  She loves to mention that " I'm not getting any younger".  The first couple of times I just laughed and nervously muttered something unintelligible. Then I started just flat out ignoring her comments.  Now I avoid her like the plague.  I avoid because I am fearful of what might come out of my mouth should she mention this to me again.  And I know she will. So why don't I just tell her off you ask?  Well she loves making these comments in front of other co-workers so I am trying to hold myself together.  Either a full on cuss out or tears or both are sure to follow.  Perhaps even throwing of a stapler.  So I avoid. So yep my big secret to dealing with the nosy is avoidance.  Not exactly a brave or noble way of coping.

I know that when I do get pregnant the comments/questions will only continue.  The husband and I are already coming up with an arsenal of responses.  Can they send a pregnant woman to jail for assault? I think a jury of my IF peers would aquit me in a heartbeat.