Diagnosis

Thursday morning I got really bad news. Basically I have been diagnosed with DOR.  Diminished ovarian reserve- at 35.  I was diagnosed with this not because of hormone levels (which are all normal) but by my AFC or Antral Follicle Count being low for my age.  My body is not responding well enough to the fertility drugs at this moment to keep doing them.  At this point IVF isn't even on the table with my own eggs.  For now. 

The Plan:
- Optimize my body/health
I am going to see a NP who will help me shed weight quickly and give me meds, and supplements to prepare my body for injections and pregnancy.  I will also continue to work on lowering my thyroid levels even lower. The hope being we can get my body to react.  The supplements to help with egg quality and the weight reduction to help my body absorb and hopefully work with a new medicine my RE wants to try.  I will also have to cut caffeine etc... We will do this for 4-6 months and try another cycle.  It isn't guaranteed to work, but it is the best shot.

We have agreed to this plan, because it really is our only option at this point that gives us genetic children. It will also prepare my body for pregnancy in case we do IVF with my eggs, donor eggs or embryo adoption.  Whatever method God chooses I have to prepare my body.

Preparing my body will be the easy part.  Preparing my heart and head is a whole other thing.  But God has been gracious.  Thursday, I cried for hours while my loving husband held me.  It was as my heart had been ripped out of my body and every dream I ever had destroyed.  I honestly don't know how I survived the pain.  Well I do... God has given me an amazing husband. God has encouraged me and filled me with Peace.  It wasn't sudden but He has helped me breathe again.  He has helped me see that there is HOPE.  The door is not closed. I have options.  I will be a mother.

I have my moments of intense fear and doubt. I also have moments of pure peace and actual joy.  It is so weird to say this is the best time of my life and the worst time of my life at the same time.

I wouldn't wish this journey on anyone-  I don't know why I have been chosen to walk through this storm, but I know I will get a happy ending.